November 10, 2015
liufadmin (615 articles)
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Silver linings in seemingly disastrous situations

At 49, Jubril was thought to have an enviable marriage by his married friends – a 22-year partnership with beautiful Tumi who bore him three lovely children. They met in college and were almost inseparable.
Then she became a mother of three, and gradually her appearance at parties with him began to fade. “When Jubril started staying out late and at most weekends, I warned my daughter of its implications”, Miriam, Tumi’s mother said. “As a Muslim, Jubril could be polygamous if he desired, but Tumi seemed to trust him not to take another wife. Well, he did. Not only that, he had said that since they lived in a sprawling accommodation, the new wife could have one of the chalets. At his age and with his position, Jubril said he wouldn’t want to be running from one woman’s house to the other if his new wife were to live on a different premises. Tumi was devastated to say the least. She’d invested so much into her marriage, and to be replaced with a new model in her life as if she was an old car, was too hard for her to take.
“I had to counsel her all of the time, to tell her that she too was a product of polygamy, but she believed her husband was throwing away all they’d both worked for, all the investments in emotions and their home for a gold-digger. She was sure her husband would soon regret his decision. When I eventually met Yosola, the new wife, I was a bit taken aback by her simplicity. She was young and fresh-faced all right, but you could hardly call her a gold-digger. She came from a very strict Muslim background. Her parents were rich and she turned out to be a successful business woman.
“She deals in household goods and is a major distributor for a few manufacturing companies. She also imports some of the items she sold wholesale.
“I was ready to dislike her, but you just couldn’t help admiring her resolve.
You could see she was prepared to do anything to make the relationship work. She was very polite to Tumi and the children. When she learnt that I dealt in some of the things she sold, she compared her prices with where I bought mine from, and she needn’t twist my arm before I agreed to be buying from her. My daughter was livid. She thought Yosola was trying to buy my affection, but I told her she was being silly. The prices she quoted were lot less than I was currently paying and she even said I could pay her after I’d sold the goods! It was too good to be true but because I got the goods for less, I was able to be a small distributor in my own right! Small stall-owners started patronizing me and in two years, I was able to rent another shop – a bigger one at that!
“It took a long time for my daughter to see that one could sometimes benefit from a seemingly bad situation. Since I started dealing with Yosola, I no longer ask for any material things from my daughter. I was able to help my other children and I now have a pick-up van I use for my business.
Jubril is happy at the turn of events and Tumi is also learning to live with the situation. Her children are grown and doing well in school while Yosola’s two children are in primary school.
“It is not really a thing one looks forward to when one has to share one’s affection with another partner, but it could be worse. What if my daughter’s husband had ended up with one of these desperate women who are bent on unseating the incumbent wife?
I think we just have to sometimes open our minds up to certain situations and not let the stereotypes influence our perceptions and decisions. Tumi’s mother opened up her mind to see the good in Jubril’s new wife and hence, the situation turned out to be a beautiful one.

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